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01 October 2016 @ 06:46 pm
It's october 1st, and I'm still alive. We are finally in the middle of the semester, and things are not as good as expected. As usual.
Almost all of the positivity is gone, not only mine but my friends' as well. I'm disliking Group Theory so much I can't even; that's probably because I've put so many expectations over this course, and it's very different from what I thought it would be. It's not exciting like Algebra II. It's boring.
But a lot of surprises, good surprises, happened.
Now I like Analysis, I even enjoy studying it. Yeah. Who would have thought, right? Not me, of course. And the goddess called Complex Variables showed up and changed my life for good. I love this course so much to the point of forgetting my beloved Algebra and wanting to study Complex Analysis.
But I'm still full of doubts, as usual. Let's pray for goddess to change this.
Current Location: At home
Current Mood: tiredtired
31 July 2016 @ 05:55 pm
Ah, the day has come. It's july 31st already, and tomorrow everything starts again.
Group Theory.
Real Analysis ~again~.
I keep wondering if I made the right choice choosing this course; I really like mathematics, I'm very close to loving it - but sometimes I feel like I'm not curious enough, I'm not interested enough, I'm not smart enough (even though I keep saying I don't believe in intelligence, only in effort and bla bla bla, it's hard to believe that it's like that for me as well). In the end I get really depressed and demotivated.
My friends always say that I'm great, that I'm really good. Perhaps it's time to believe in them at least once, and stop self-pitying myself.
It's just like in Berryz Koubou's song, Rival: my biggest rival is my negative side, and I won't give in easily.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Destination - KinKi Kids
11 July 2016 @ 06:29 pm
The semester is over.

I'm free for the next three weeks.
Current Location: home sweet home
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: KinKi Kids - Misty
15 June 2016 @ 07:24 pm
Well, well.

Being this almost-twenty-years-old I am, I believe that most of my acquaintances judge me for what I am about to confess here - even though they would never say so right in my face.
Since june has started, I've had ~three~ Johnny's obsessions.
You see, everything started when I created an account in a certain site that provides jpop downloads, a.k.a the dream of my life since, like, 2010. Finally I was free to put my hands on every single thing I've ever wanted regards jpop. Then I downloaded that damn great Johnny's Countdown 2015-2016, where I happened to see groups I've never really paid much attention live - and that, of course, opened my eyes.

The first of all of them is A.B.C-Z, the most precious babies ever.
Back when Never My Love was released, I've listened to the song and thought they were very lovely. But since there wasn't a single for the song nor anything like that, I kind of forgot about them. But then I saw those dorky kids singing Moonlight Walker, and then finally I would be able to download their stuff. So I did, and their albums from ABC to Z and A.B.Sea Market were everything I heard for days straight. I just couldn't get tired of them, and I still can't. I even downloaded a concert (even though I love live performances, I only download those heavy concert files when I'm really interested in the band).

While the concert downloaded (it took a very long time), I started checking on KinKi Kids, the second obsession. I've already listened to L Album back in 2014, and when they released M Album I also listened to it, and loved them both. Yasu and Maru (from Kanjani8) played a big role on my obsession over KK, since they've sang Glass no Shounen (Jussai) and Ai no Katamari (Kanjani8 Recital). I've got 39 and listened to Ai no Katamari and Ame no Melody over and over again (when I wasn't listening to A.B.C-Z), and then decided to download the less heavy concert they have uploaded on jpopsuki. I downloaded Thank You for 15 Years and Jesus Christ, didn't I love it?? It was so good I couldn't even. It only made me more and more addicted to their songs, and made me fall for Tsuyoshi <3

The last and most recent one was a surprise for me: Sexy Zone.
When they debuted I wasn't a huge Johnny's fan but I checked on news every now and then, and I thought "there is no way I'm going to listen to those kids. I mean, Sexy Zone? They're not even close to sexy". But then the duo Sakurai Sho x Kikuchi Fuma happened and I thought "oh well, didn't them grow up?". Then I got their last album Welcome to Sexy Zone and it laid there, forgotten in my music player. A good two weeks later I decided to check on Kikuchi Fuma's solo and bam, love at first sight. But... is one of the best songs I've listened this year, and I was totally addicted. Last monday I heard the whole thing, and Jesus, what a good album. I didn't even expect anything from it, and really loved it. I'm sure I'm going to get their old stuff and will start following them from now on.

Now the favorites list just grows bigger. Totsuka Shota, from A.B.C-Z is featured in it from the first time I've listened to his solo Dorama, and he is a very lovely being. There is also a biiiiiiig chance that Kikuchi Fuma will enter it before I notice it. I mean, the boy studies at Keio?? That's awesome! Domoto Tsuyoshi was already mentioned, but I would just like to leave registered here that his tired eyes made me fall very hard for him.

And I always wonder if this may happen again, and if there is still place for new favs in my life.

Apparently, the answer is yes.
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Love Confusion - Sexy Zone
13 June 2016 @ 09:16 pm
Fandom: Kanjani8
Pairings: OhYasu; YokoMaru
Genre: Romance, Angst (a lot of angst)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Before it started, Shota never knew he could be broken in so many ways.
Notes: English is not my first language, and it's not betaed. So, please, don't mind any of the grammar mistakes I probably made. Inspired by Banks' songs Under the Table and Before I Ever Met You.

Heartbreak is your game, but I'm learningCollapse )
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: But... - 菊池風磨
13 June 2016 @ 01:02 pm
This journal is almost five years old, and I finally feel an actual need to start writing here. It was mostly motivated by the wish of posting some of the Kanjani8 fanfictions I've written, and the wish of being an active member of the fandoms I'm in, since tumblr no longer has the same appeal it had five years ago.
So, as my first entry, I'd like to make a recap of what happened in these past five years. Of how much I've changed.
Back then when I was still 14 years old, I didn't have much in my head, to be honest. I would go to school, suffer over a unrequited love, listen to Hello! Project and read my yaoi mangas. I didn't think about myself as almost-twenty; I would only worry about my 15/16 years old self, living on another city, another state, living an empty and sad life without friends. I've moved, but my life didn't become as empty and sad as I thought it would become. I believe that I've matured and changed this much because I had to restart my life, being the introvert adolescent I was, and it wasn't that easy.
And perhaps Johnny's Entertainment wouldn't have showed up in my life the way it did. You see, I already listened to Arashi before because I'd forced myself to start listening to them - the excuse was "I need more men in my life"; but I started actually loving them. Then my aunt gave me a magazine - a Potato magazine, 2012 january issue - which featured Kanjani8 on it's cover. Well, I didn't know much about them, only about their existence and I knew Yoko from The Quiz Show 2, but I didn't know he was a member of Kanjani8. Then, I started listening to Kanjani8 and they soon became my babies! And Kanjani opened my eyes to the whole company.
My love for H!P only grew stronger; we had Berryz Kobo at their peak, a hella lot of graduations/new members in Momusu and S/mileage. The years passed, S/mileage became Angerme, Berryz entered hiatus (also known as disband without the scary name) and Sayumi graduated from Momusu. In that moment I almost left the fandom, and in fact I backed away a little bit. I still checked on °C-ute's new singles because Kyuu was the closest thing to Berryz I had left. Then... Kobushi Factory, Angerme and Country Girls pulled me back. How could I possibly resist Manaka-chan and precious Rikako?
I also stopped reading that many mangas I used to. I've changed my opinion about a lot of things, started reading a lot about rape culture, feminism and related stuff, and that opened my mind to things that are really wrong in most of the yaoi mangas we have going on. Perhaps I will enter this subject later, or maybe not.
I've become a very critical person about a lot of things, but still like to read very doubtful and bad fanfiction - because well, that's me. Haha.
Even though my personal beliefs, my style and manners have changed and improved in the last years, I feel that I'm still that overly emotional girl who cries easily and procrastinates as much as possible, whose musical taste is bashed by almost everyone and only writes one-shots because she can't finish long fanfictions.
And honestly? I never want to stop being her.
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: 糸島Distance - アンジュルム